On JOI as a type of an online and intimate play

Guides Feb 15, 2021

The article was written in collaboration with:
2)Milov VIII

JOI - an abbreviation of Jerk Off Instructions. It's a popular form of intimate play that allows participants to control the way their partner touches themselves with the reciprocal goal of having fun. As you can guess, both by the title and the definition that you have just read, today's topic is JOI. Although we know some of you are eager to hop directly to that "interesting part", we have to walk through safety first.

As it's stated above, JOI is a type of intimate play. When engaging in this type of play, it is vital to be aware of a lot of variables such as preferences, limits of your body or simply things that you are or are not comfortable with. These should be discussed before engaging in any kind of such play. It's absolutely crucial for both your enjoyment and well-being. We know it might sound like a good old obsolete warning, similar to when you buy a new mobile phone or whatsoever but trust us. This time you're not gonna toy with something that can be easily fixed or replaced. It's all about your feelings and body.

So what are these things that you should know about YOURSELF and your partner. Yes, indeed. Yourself is written in capital letters for a reason. You can't get involved with others if you don't know yourself. So, our first step is:

1)Determine your likes/dislikes/limits/stuff you're interested in/kinks/things you are comfortable doing/your weak spots if possible.

All pieces of information are of the utmost importance. So let's assume you know everything listed in point 1.  What now? Well, JOI involves at least two human beings so...? Right~! You got it. Discuss with your partner what they like and dislike, go over everything mentoned in point 1 with them. Trust me, it looks strenuous and probably is, but it will save your ass more times than not. Imagine trying to involve anal play when your partner has named that as their limit. They tell you they're not fine with it, the mood's gone and the play is ruined. In an even worse turn out of events, they WON'T tell you and will force themselves, hurting their body in the process.

Once you are done discussing each other's preferences and limits together, you can create an enjoyable scenario suitable for both of you. To increase the variety or simply make things more interesting, for those who wish to include toys, you might try getting a bluetooth controlled vibrator to get an even higher degree of control over your partner. This may be a more advanced step for beginners but certainly worth coming back to further down the line as your experience grows. But simply sticking to austere commands is the perfect way to execute that kind of play.

It's also nice to determine what you expect from your partner beforehand so point number 2 is:

2) Discussing how you both want it to go. Some kind of roleplay...? Or mayhaps some Dom-sub play?

Before we go further into this, it's important to point out that negotation for doing this as a role-play and conducting this in real life can be vastly different. It all depends on the type of play you and your partner are aiming for. And don't immediately jump into play after talking about it if one of you isn't ready. Talk it through. Take your time. There's no rush and you both want to enjoy this. If it feels right almost as soon as you're done talking, thats's great! If you need more time to think about it, that's great too! Do it the way that makes you feel comfortable and that you and your partner can work with. Now, with that being said, let's move on.

So you guys know things about yourself and your partner. So what now? Can you proceed to the main course? Aye, we hear your radiant cries, but sorry. Gonna have to hold your horses a little bit. We can't tell you what to do, you should do what works best for you. But bear with us a minute longer, we'll go over why you should hang on for a bit longer before jumping in. Why, you may ask? It's simple. The human body isn't something that will work at a moment's notice. It takes some time to get into that working condition, so to speak. So to those acquainted with BDSM or the likes of the majority of intimate kinds of play/roleplay, that rings a bell. A bell called "foreplay".

For the term itself please find the link attached here . What must be said though, is that the definition you will be redirected to doesn't consider the remote part of the JOI... So what now? Well... You can't stimulate them... directly. The solution is to guide them to slowly work themselves up, maybe giving them lewd ideas or stories. But we won't elaborate that much further. My advice would be to look up some foreplay resources and get yourself educated on them, as everyone is different and responds to different stimulation in different ways.

Now you're finally set to get into the interesting part that you've been dying to see for the last 4-5 minutes that you've been reading all the safety stuff.
So, you're both riled up and ready to go... If you covered point 2 thoroughly or decided on something during the foreplay, you may already have some dynamics between the two of you. Some kind of scenario/dom-sub vibes, something among these lines. It's good to have that prepared ahead of this moment but... that's a very personal matter, so it's completely up to you.

Now about the main part of the JOI:

There are several types of JOI play. The best-known and the most frequently practised form of JOI is the "unidirectional' one, in which one party guides the other by giving their partner various instructions and the other one strictly obeys. What's crucial here, is that those set roles might be changed whenever people taking part in it wish to do so. There's no way set way of doing this, as long as both partners are comfortable in what they are doing.

It's probably most suitable for people who tend to be strictly submissive or dominant, although switches can find pleasure in it too. That all depends on what you feel like doing. So... if, on one hand, we have this one-way JOI, the other hand must be reciprocal JOI. In simpler words, you basically exchange instructions so there's no "dom" and "submissive" here. All other kinds of JOI are somewhere in between those two, so you just have to find what is most suitable for you.

All right, you got the form of JOI, the safety measures... But what kind of instructions can you give? Where do we go from here? Honestly, it's all about telling your partner what to do. So if they have a set of male genitalia, you may tell them how they should stroke (ex. a way they should grab their phallus or the pace). In the case where you want to involve the use of toys, then you can involve instructions related to them such as lubing up a buttplug, the way they should insert it or even where if someone's into ATM (ass to mouth).

If they have female genitalia, you can instruct them to focus either on their clitoris or their labia, controlling the speed or how much they touch themselves. All this is between yourself and your partner, so it becomes even more important to find out what works best for you both.

Well~! You're almost at the end of this strenuous read. And as you might have guessed it's time for some pro-tips~! Here's a couple of them:

1) Fast is not always best. When you want your partner to get close to an edge/verge of cumming, or you want to have them at a certain level of pleasure, it's not always the best way to make their caresses as fast as possible. For some people, going slow causes them to reach higher levels of pleasure.

2) Since people tend to know themselves better than anyone, it's generally wise to, every once in a while, give your partner some "time off." Basically, allow them to stroke however they want or just take a break and keep things flowing with some sexy chat. You can use it to cool or speed things up. And remember that trying to control everything about your partner is a grave mistake! The game is much more than just giving numbers and hitting the edge over and over again. Give your partner a "Free Play" window to get to know them better.

3) Also remember that, sometimes, little accidents may happen. For example, your partner may cum before the moment you want them to. Now, on the one hand, you have to be understanding of that but, on the other hand, if they're into "more kinky" play, you may involve some punishment. To those who are into either CBT or CEI, one of those two may sound like a perfect option to go with.

To conclue this long and elaborate work, We will reveal how to properly end a JOI session~! Or rather we shall let others do that for us~ Here's a link to the great guide to aftercare by Lucifer~!  And PLEASE. Always engage in aftercare when it's possible. It's super important~


♡ Duchess Gabriela ♡

Your casual neighbourhood girl, mostly occupied with story-writing and chemistry~ My biggest dream~? To have a substantial amount of forget-me-nots in my vicinity. ♥