Let's talk about consent.
Today’s blog post is on something that is more serious than what is normally on the blog, but nonetheless important: Consent. Both Zia and an anonymous poster's work has been combined, as they go hand in hand to tackle this important topic.
Consent is something that is incredibly important when it comes to sex, and anything related to it. In point of fact, consent is integral to the majority of things in a person’s life, but this post is more focused on the sexual side. Perhaps for very obvious reasons, given that this is on the EF blog after all.
Sexual consent, being consent to engage in sexual activities with person(s), applies just as much on Erofights as it does in the ‘real world’.
Always remember that someone on Erofights isn’t just an object, there for your gratification, there is a sentient person on the other side of the screen. Whatever you do will impact a real person on the other side. And this includes yourself too; you will be impacted by whatever someone else does on their side.
When it comes to establishing consent, and respecting it, there are two very good ways of doing it. Both can be used at the same time, and especially should be, should you engage in more kinky things. Which, let’s be honest, will definitely happen on EF. I’m certainly no stranger to it myself, after all.
It also applies to sexualities, as well. It is not good to try and engage people who are not interested in you or in sexual conversations with you. They will likely not consent and a dim view would be taken of those who ignored that. Just as though a dim view would be taken on those who break the rules of consent.
The first is, quite simply, to communicate with your partner. Either before your RP or match, or before you commit a particular action. Is this okay? Are you comfortable with this? Will you enjoy it? The first two in particular are ways in which you can make sure your partner is comfortable with what you’re doing.
If they say no, then immediately stop. Even if they had consented in the past. That is, incidentally, a reason why you should not assume consent based upon prior interaction. People’s feelings may change on things in an instant. Similarly, people may also withdraw their consent mid-way through, and again, that means RP stops.
Communication with your partner is crucial to everything. Another way to maintain consent is with a safe word. Erofights being what it is, a gesture cannot be used, nor can a sound be easily used either, but a word is very easy to do. Especially with regards to play that may verge into the waters of dubious consent, I would go as far as to say that a safe word is mandatory.
Pick a word that would not be commonly used in play but you both know the meaning of – to stop or pause things. You may not think it necessary, but it is good practice to always use it. And one day, you may very well need it. Play without any consent at all is not good for anyone, especially not you.
Perhaps the most important part of this whole article though, is this: If you do feel uncomfortable or upset about anything, say something. As an example, say someone has made you uncomfortable through things they’ve said to you, or you feel your safeword and/or consent was ignored or disregarded, please contact any member of the moderator team, either on Discord or Erofights. Whether or not it happened on EF or Discord, they will be there to support and help you. They will always listen.
The above post was written by Zia. The author of the following blog post has requested that their identity remain anonymous.
After spending time in matchmaking, you want to get right into your EroFight. I don't blame you. The temptation is there. Without thinking about it, you might send off a message like "Sup, bitch?" or something to that effect. Seemingly harmless, but not always.
There is a time and place for name-calling, there is a time and place for humiliation, there is a time and place for feminization, there is a time and place for hardcore BDSM, there is a time and place for all those things. There is no kink-shaming here, just an awareness that not everyone shares the same kinks. And one should not engage in kink-shaming: there is no need to mock someone for something they like, or something they don't like.
When roleplaying, or playing a session as a sub or a dom, that needs to be considered. As they say, it takes two to tango. To make that dance work, the partners need to be in sync.
Take time to learn about your partner. Many users on EroFights have a profile describing themselves, their kinks and what they are (or aren't) into. This provides a baseline, and is an excellent starting point.
Looking beyond their profile, there is an art of asking. You should not be afraid of asking your partner about their kinks. You should ask what they're looking for, as well as be willing to share what you're looking for. You're both here to have a good time, and you can work together to accomplish this. This conversation can occur prior to the game: EroFights has an active Discord, and many users there welcome direct messages. There is also the messaging system directly on EroFights. You can get a good feel for your partner well before meeting them in Classic, Femdom with Caprice, or anywhere else you may match.
Just understand: not everyone is going to respond to your messages. Don't pester people, don't send message after message after message. If someone is not interested, leave it at that.
If you go straight to matchmaking, which is perfectly acceptable, you should take advantage of the game's chat feature. Talk it out. Even if their profile clearly labels them a sub or a dom, we're all different. People are generally here to have a good time, for escapism and relief. For some people, that most certainly involves being mocked and humiliated. It might even involve a bit of CBT, who knows? But remember, some is not all: some subs are seeking a more gentle dom, some are seeking instruction and orders, some are brats looking for a bit of funishment.
It all goes back to consent: mutual consent. EroFights is at its best when all involved reach that understanding. And it might take a few matches to figure out this understanding. That first roleplay with a person, it can be awkward. You're feeling each other out, trying to find out what they like and what they don't like, as they are with you. A little communication goes a long way.
As I'm sure everyone has once heard, no means no. Respect those limits, and we all have limits. We all have things we are not comfortable doing, and pressuring someone into doing something they don't want to is unacceptable.
Conversely, yes means yes. Silence is not consent. Consent is consent. This holds true on EroFights, where roleplay and chat plays a major role. Communication is a major part of the game here, perhaps more so than the game itself. It's why we all prefer playing with another person, rather than a bot.
Saying this, one must acknowledge non-con. Even non-con has to be consensual, as strange as that may sound. EroFights allows for such thing, so long as a clear understanding is in place. As the Code of Conduct states, "Rape or beating fantasies can only be played in private and with total and clear consent from both ends."
"Total and clear consent" is something to strive for in all games. Thank you very much for reading, and I hope you enjoy your time in the future with EF. Go out there and a have good time, together.